You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
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Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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