based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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