Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Floor bacon is actually really good
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
