youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
