If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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