Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.