piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
