Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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