OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?