I only kidnapped one of them. chill
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher