I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
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you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
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I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
is that a dick in a sweater?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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