you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
