if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
