I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
