I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
