YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Randomize
