watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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