Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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