she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
