I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
