I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
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Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
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It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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