youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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