i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
