Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
