i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
