I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
