dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
