Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Blood and glitter go together right?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
