You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
