you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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