I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i love accidental penises.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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