I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
