Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
