You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
