theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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