According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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