A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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