I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
