You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
