sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
