I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
