Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
