dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
