Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
