I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
