I'm gonna have a badass scar
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
