i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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