sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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