Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
