Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
