Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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