we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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