dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
