i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
