Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
