Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
