So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
