The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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