i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
